Burnt. Out.
How do you know when you are really burnt out? With a light bulb, you can just shake it to see if the filament is broken.
With me, I just see how long it takes me to read a single page of one of my more dry articles. The other day it took me nearly an hour to read 2 pages.
Crakle, crakle. Thats the sound of my motivation being burnt away.
You see, this semester I have defended my thesis, am working on my PhD comps, am a member of three labs (all with active research projects), am taking a full complement of classes, and am again dealing with stupid car problems.
Oh wait. Did I mention that? Yeah, well I bought a new car the other day. Its a 2006 Corolla. Lets just say I will never drive a Saturn again. If you'd like more details, please let me know. I think I may have exhausted that discussion topic last year, the last time a Saturn I owned basically blew up.
Anyway, I am doing all of these things, and the worst part is that I almost don't care about any of it right now. Whine Whine Whine. Should I have some cheese with my whine? Perhaps. Here we go:
The second worst part is that I feel extremely unappreciated in my own department. The third is that I am afraid this may not be the career for me. I have run into so much of the ugly underbelly of academia this semester it has me thinking I am not fit to be an academic. This may or may not be a good thing. But I'll tell you this: I'm tired of pouring my heart and mind out over issues that won't affect anyone for at least 10 years. I miss using my hands to fix things, and I still have that insatiable medical itch that I've had since I was small. I know I'm burnt out right now, but I've said these things before. So here's a question to those of you who know me: do you see me as an academic, doing esoteric research for the rest of my life in some very small office where I never cut my hair? Because that is starting to scare me. I want to help people. And I don't think I'm patient enough to do it where I'm so removed from, well, actual people. I want to get back into shape, too. I want to help people, be in shape, and do something that has a direct impact on the world.
So I've started gathering inforamtion in UAB's doctorate in physical therapy, with a specialization in stroke rehabilitation. Since its a doctorate, I'd still get to teach and do research, but mostly I'd help people. Hands on. And you don't get much more hands on than P.T. And that profession requires me to be in shape (lifting people and the like). So please tell me what you think.
I am now done with my whine. And cheese.
If you read all of this, thanks. And I'm sorry, too. This was not the most slap-happy installment of this blog. But to liven it up, here's a joke:
There are two hot dogs in a frying pan.
The first hot dog turns to the second and says, "Whew! It sure is hot in here."
The second looks at the first and screams, "Oh my god! Its a talking hot dog!"
I hope everyone is well.
Peace,
Joe
5 comments:
YAY! My favorite joke!
You, my Joe, are good with people -- and I mean to an extraordinary degree, not just in a normal, able-to-socialize way. So I think a job that puts you with actual, existing people is a good thing for you to think about. Academia is necessary and cool and important, but it's not at all about instant, or even somewhat-timely, gratification. Helping people has its frustrations, I'm sure, but you KNOW you're doing something good and can see results of your work. And going the physical therapy route doesn't mean you can't ever go back to academia -- maybe that's something you can do when you're old and have crazy hair anyway if you still have the itch then.
And look man, don't beat yourself up for the burnout. I'm pretty sure it's mandatory for a person your age. I think it's just a way to make you question your path, which is never a bad thing, you know? Even if you decide to stay the course, at least you'll know you're doing it for the right reasons, once you've thought it out and explored your options.
I feel a note is needed: My brother Peeg (awesome and lethal) got me into my first Saturn, which was a rockin' car until a certain some people got ahold of it. The same happened with this replacement, and it is more a function of my local Saturn dealer than anything else. I would like to thank my brother for helping me buy my first car by myself, something that would have been nearly impossible without his help. If he were still here and selling cars, I'd buy another from him in a heart beat. But I'm pretty glad he's in Japan with his lady flying off mountians while getting his master's degree instead. Its more fun than selling cars :)
Anyway, thanks peeg. When you come to visit we will drive in my new car to the Milo's, where your little brother will buy you a very large sweet tea.
I think close contact with real people is important to you. And fixing things is important to you. And dealing all day every day with people who want you to jump through an increasingly ridiculous number of hoops is very frustrating. And you are wonderful and I love you and this is your mother, can you tell? PS Congrats on the car! Ma
Wow, man.
Sorry to hear about your troubles. But at least they're not as bad as "The Troubles". Also, sorry about your car. I'm gald you got it worked out. And lethal? Thanks man. As far as what you should do with your life, I submit the following:
Space Pirate.
But if that seems unattainable (I'm still looking into how to get my foot in the door), I will say that you are indeed good with people. Whatever you do, just make sure you believe in it as something good.
Don't be glum, chum. My motto is, "nothing worth having is easy" (yes, I know--so Catholic and guilt-ridden), but I find it to be quite true.
However, when you reach the point in your job/school where you can find absolutely no joy in what you're doing, or see any joy in the foreseeable future, it's time to get out. This, coming from a gal who is constantly complaining about her job... but there are aspects of it I really love.
It sounds like maybe this has more to do with the environment you're in, and less with what you're studying. The world of Academia, like anything so specialized, can be very insular. I think it would do you good to use what you've learned, along with the skills you already had (especially with older folks) and use it in P.T.
Or, just save your monies until we can all build the Chandler Family Compound, and never have to work again.
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